how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
