It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
