Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
