You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
