do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
