Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
