i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
