Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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