You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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