I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
