How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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