Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
