If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
