He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
