I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
