I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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