hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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