Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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