haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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