I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
