i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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