he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
