i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
