all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
