Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
These tits shall not be calmed
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
