There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
