roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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