There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
