The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
No I am not eating basil off your cock
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
