I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
