If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
