I just cut my nipple shaving
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
