If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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