Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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