a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Vodka?
Forever.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
