Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
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