I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Such a big mess for such a small penis
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
