just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
