in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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