You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
