I'm drive I can fine osifer
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
