u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Are we still banned from the library?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
