we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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