Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize