Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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