if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
