Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
