just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
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Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
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His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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