he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
We had to coat check the pizza.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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