You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
