Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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