Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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