I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
