apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
