I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
