Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
