cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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