Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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