Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
