I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
