she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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