no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
