The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
