if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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