There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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