pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
either way he was missing a nipple.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
