bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
