I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
