He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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