yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
