I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize