We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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