i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Found the puke drawer
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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