i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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