I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
