Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
