Need sex. Gaining weight.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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