Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize