I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
