I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
