...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
