i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He shit in the fireplace
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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